Mourning is a process that takes its own course in each situation. What follows are some guidelines that might help those who mourn do so in Christ and thus come to some sense of the comfort of God.
1. Accept the mourning process. Mourning is the price we pay for loving. If we never loved, we would never have reason to mourn. Accept that mourning is good; indeed, it is blessed. It raises our experiences of it to a new level.
2. Enter into the rituals of mourning.Every human culture surrounds the passing of a person with some rituals, often expressed in special prayers, special clothes, or signs of mourning, anniversaries, etc. These rituals humanize the raw emotions, allowing us to handle ourselves and our situation in creative and positive ways.
3. Ponder your favorite passages of Scripture. You could read the texts used at the funeral service or texts that have supported you in the past. Saint Paul wrote in his first letter to the Christians of Thessalonica that Christian mourning is quite different from the mourning of people “who have no hope.” Reminding his readers that the death and resurrection of Jesus has changed our attitude toward death, he recommends that they should “console one another with these words” (1 Thessalonians 4:18). So we also should draw comfort from the word of God in the Scriptures.
4. Revert to the simplest of prayers. At times of acute mourning, we do not have the imaginative energy for long or intense forms of prayer. Mourners often find comfort in basic Christian prayers such as the Our Father, the Hail Mary, the Glory Be, a decade of the Rosary, or an invocation from our rich tradition: “Sacred Heart of Jesus, I place my trust in you,” or, “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, I give you my heart and my soul,” or, “Eternal rest grant unto him/her O Lord.” Often complete silence in the presence of God is best. Words can wear out or seem to be drained of meaning, but silence before the mystery is always a restorative option.
From Why Do You Weep? Finding Consolation and Peace in Times of Grief © 2012 Larry Kaufmann, CSsR; Sean Wales, CSsR; and Russell Pollitt, SJ. Liguori Publications (820779). To order, visit Liguori.org or call 800-325-9521.